Bumper Sticker Jokes

1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.

4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.

5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.

10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.

11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE...WHO CARES?

12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.

13. AND YOUR POINT IS?

14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.

18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

21. SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT.

22. IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I'M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY.

23. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

All men are idiots....I married their king.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

I childproofed my house, but they still get in.

On the front: 60 is not old.
On the back: ...If you're a tree.

I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes.

My reality check just bounced.

Life is short, make fun of it.

I'm not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax.

Annapolis--A drinking town with a sailing problem.

I need somebody bad. Are you bad?

Physically pffffffft!

Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.

I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are.

It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

Keep staring....I may do a trick.

We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic.

Dangerously under-medicated.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it's gone.

Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture.

Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

I souport publik edekasion

Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

I is a college student.

Illiterate? Write For Help

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

2. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

4. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

5. This isn't an office. It's a basement with fluorescent lighting.

6. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

7. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

8. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

9. You! Off my planet!

10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck

I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

This isn't an office. It's the basement with fluorescent lighting.

I'm just driving this way to get you mad.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Hang up and drive.

If you are psychic - think "HONK"

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

No Radio - Already Stolen

I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!