Little Johnny Jokes

One Sunday morning, the Pastor noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."

"Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Patsor Scott, what is this?" Little Johnny asked. "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," Little Johnny replies, "I don't have to, my mom is a good cook!"

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!"

Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
      
      "To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
      
      A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
      
      "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"

Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!

The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?”

His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

"Mummy, Mummy!" called Little Johnny one day. "Do you know the beautiful vase in the dining room that's been handed down from generation to generation?"

"Yes", said his mother. "What about it?"

"Well the last generation just dropped it."

At the end of the Service one Sunday Morning Little Johnny began to cry very loud.  Little Johnny's dad took him by the hand and headed for the exit as fast as he could but as they went out the door Little Johnny cried louder and louder.  

Embarrassed, Little Johnny's dad and mom began to pick up their pace going down the street away from the Church but the more they asked Little Johnny to stop his crying the louder he became.

Finally when his parents couldn't take his crying any longer they stopped and asked Little Johnny what was wrong.  With huge alligator tears falling down his face, Little Johnny blurted out; "In the Service this morning the Pastor said that every child has the right to live in a Christian family, but I want to live with you guys!"

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"

Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...

After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the wall!"

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.

“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a
good answer to her husband's baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so
much hair?”

Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school. Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

"Hold on," she said. "I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?

Little Johnny: You said it was my lunch money.